I'm going to teach you how to brain tan. Yes, thats correct, brain tan. Once you figure this out you'll toss every hide you have in the trash and scream AAAAHHHH at the top of your lungs! You'll kick the dog, snatch the tail of your cat, and basically have a bad attitude towards fur'd things all together.
Step 1. Kill somthing. Easy enough, but make it big enough to bother with, like a deer or somthing.
step 2. skin it, try like heck not to use the knife to much and leave any marks, flesh or fat on the skin.
step 3. Salt the skin down and hang it over night. Ya, ya, I know, salting sets the hair. But it also makes the knife grab the membrane better and makes it easier to peal off.
step 4. Invest in a bottle of whiskey, yer gona need it.
step 5. After you have all the membrane, flesh and fat off the inside of the skin, take a bucket and dump like 10 gallons of water into it. Add about a pound of hydrated lime. You can use wood ash but it takes longer to do it with wood ash.
step 6. for about 3 days to a month keep stirring the bucket with the stinky nasty, smelly, ugly hide in it until the hair will slough off by just wiping your hand against the grain. use a glove or your hand will smell like dead stuff for a very long time.
step 7. Now that the hair has started to slip, and your nearing retirement, lay the skin slick side down and use your dull knife to scrape not only the hair off, but also the epidermis, or however you spell it, at the same time. The reason you do this is so you can tell people "Heck ya, I can brain tan like a pro, and I get lotsa stretch outa my hides. Kinda like the IRS gets lotsa cash outa our wallets.(you'll need a fleshing beam)
Go over the hide a few times, after all, it will only take you about four hours to get all that crap off of the skin the first go round, whats 8 more hours?
step 8. Now that you are crippled and have carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands, take the hide and rinse it in cold water. Then take about 10 gallons of good water, the stuff we aint got much of and is sinful to waste, and dump it in the bucket. No wait, rinse the dang bucket out first. ya, like that. Now, pour in about a pint of viniger. Stir it up good and let the skin swim around in it over night.
step 9. Take the brains you saved,... whatya mean ya didnt save the brains? Geeze, they call it brain tanning for a reason ya know.
Come up with some brains from somewhere, anywhere, no not your next of kin, or brotherinlaw, and put em in a blender. Then add like a cup or two of hot water and turn on the blender. WAIT Dangit! Put the lid on first.Slurry it up real good.
step 10. Take the skin outa the viniger water, no, you cant use the water to mix a salad dressing afterward, thats pushing it don't ya think? Anyway, rinse the skin again in water you don't have enough of to waste, and then wring the skin out real good, twist it up, wrap it around two sticks and twist it so it's like damn near dry.
step 11. Then take the dried up shrivled thing that used to be a deer hide that was as big as a buick and place it it the warm brain slurry. Squish it around real good and then make sure you squish it around again so the brains get sucked up into it real good.
step 12. Let it sit in there over night, after wringin it out you'll start drinking heavely and will need the night to recover from the hangover you'll have. Your brain will hurt, that way you'll know your doin it right.
step 13. Now, take the hide out of the brain slurry and wring it about again, ya, I know you did that, but you have to do it again. Heck, I don't know why, just do what yer told.
step 14. Ok, now you have this dried up shrively thing that again used to be a deer skin, and it looks like a dried up piece of thing that used to be a deer skin, so it must be a dried up shrively thing that is a deer skin. Now you take it and start pulling it in all directions and watch it stretch and turn white. You keep doing this until it is nice and soft and your whiskey bottle is about 1/2 empty. Keep pulling and stretching the hide until it is nice and soft and your bottle of whiskey is empty, and yer done!
Next time we'll go over why you need to smoke the brain tanned hide and why you'll be a member of AA by the time your done! Until next time, always remember, A beer is a terrible thing to waste!
I need to add something in step 14: Once you have taken the wet brain soaked hide outa the brain solution you need to wring it out so that the solution passes over each and every fiber to coat the fibers with the oils from the brains. Then as it dries start pulling and stretching.
Great instructions! Not even boring! Ha! Ha!
ROFL Thanks!
so pumped to give it a shot. now, if i could only kill a danged deer this year...
Quote from: jjohnson on December 17, 2012, 02:52:47 PM
so pumped to give it a shot. now, if i could only kill a danged deer this year...
There's always a catch somewhere isn't there?
well, i got one. so i'll let ya know how it turns out.
Quote from: flintboomer on December 17, 2012, 05:56:29 PM
Quote from: jjohnson on December 17, 2012, 02:52:47 PM
so pumped to give it a shot. now, if i could only kill a danged deer this year...
There's always a catch somewhere isn't there?
Hmmm, 'Catch' may be the only option . Didn't see any in the woods but the wife's game camera trained on the bird feeder picks up three in the background almost nightly.
Do you suppose that I should tell her about the pit trap on the front lawn? cuch
Quote from: Blackfeet on December 31, 2012, 05:42:39 PM
Quote from: flintboomer on December 17, 2012, 05:56:29 PM
Quote from: jjohnson on December 17, 2012, 02:52:47 PM
so pumped to give it a shot. now, if i could only kill a danged deer this year...
There's always a catch somewhere isn't there?
Hmmm, 'Catch' may be the only option . Didn't see any in the woods but the wife's game camera trained on the bird feeder picks up three in the background almost nightly.
Do you suppose that I should tell her about the pit trap on the front lawn? cuch
I wouldn't! just tell her to stay away from that area of the yard or you might catch something else entirly!! pnic
What I will catch may not be friendly, and the skinning may be on the receiving end..............
This was in the Nov Muzzle Blasts in the web section,,, http://www.mullerslanefarm.com/braintan.html might be of interest to y'all,, flwa